When Money Problems aren't really About Money

About this Video:

We like to think our financial decisions are driven by spreadsheets and logic, but if I’m being completely honest, our emotional relationship with money usually calls the shots. Inspired by a recent conversation with Rick Kahler, I’ve been reflecting a lot on the hidden “money scripts” we inherit in childhood and carry right into adulthood. In this video, I want to explore why our financial struggles are so often tied to these deep emotional patterns rather than actual numbers, and how bringing some awareness to this stuff can help us build better boundaries, true resilience, and a lot more flexibility with our lives and our wealth.

Transcription:

I wanna tell you about something I discovered recently that completely changed how I think about money, and it started with a simple question from Rick Kahler, one of the pioneers of financial therapy.

He asked me, “Josh, do you think most financial decisions are logical or emotional?”

I said, “Logical. Of course. I’ve worked in finance for decades. I know the math.”

He smiled and said, “No. About 95% of financial decisions are emotional and not logical.”

Think about that. 95%.

Here’s what that meant for me.

I grew up watching my father use money as a weapon. If we did what he wanted, we got things we needed. If we didn’t, he threatened to withhold the money.

So I rebelled.

My money script became, “I will never use money to control people.”

Sounds good, right?

Except that script has caused me problems my entire life.

I give money away too easily. I don’t set boundaries. I feel guilty when I have more than others.

Here’s what Rick helped me understand.

We all have these money scripts running in the background.

Beliefs we inherited from our families.

Patterns we develop to protect ourselves.

And here’s the thing — these parts of us have good intentions.

My generous part is still protecting me from becoming like my father.

My scared part remembers what it felt like to have money used as a weapon.

Both parts are trying to help. They just have different strategies.

This is what financial therapy does that regular financial planning can’t.

A financial planner will show you a budget. They’ll tell you the math. And the math is important.

But they can’t help you understand why you keep sabotaging that budget.

Financial therapy asks, “Why do you do what you do with your money?”

You know, I’m 73 years old. I’m facing cancer for the second time.

I’ve learned something crucial about resilience.

It’s not about being tough or positive.

It’s about being flexible.

My father used money to control.

I rebelled by refusing to set any boundaries.

Both approaches were rigid.

Both caused problems.

Now I’m learning flexibility.

Sometimes I give freely because it aligns with my values.

Sometimes I set boundaries because that’s healthy.

I get to choose based on the actual situation, not just react based on old scripts.

That’s resilience.

If you’re struggling with money in ways that don’t make logical sense, here’s what I suggest.

Ask yourself:

What did I learn about money growing up?

What messages did my family send me about money?

About people who have it?

About people who don’t?

These messages are probably still running your financial life today.

You know, financial therapy is still a growing field.

You can find certified practitioners through the Financial Therapy Association.

Many work online now, so you’re not limited to your area.

Sessions typically run $150 to $300 per hour. Some offer sliding scales.

And yeah, that’s not cheap.

But ask yourself:

What’s it cost you to keep struggling with the same patterns year after year?

Here’s what I know that I didn’t know before.

My money problems were never really about money.

They were about control, rebellion, and old wounds.

When you understand where your money scripts come from, everything starts to shift.

You stop fighting with yourself.

You start working with your different parts instead of against them.

And that’s when real change becomes possible.

I’m genuinely curious — what money scripts are running in your life?

Let’s figure this out together.

Why don’t you let me know in the comments below?

And oh, by the way, thanks a lot for stopping by.

I hope to see you back here next time.