Resilience Isn't What You Think It Is (What 18 Rejections Taught Me)
About the Video:
In this podcast episode, Jennie Bellinger and I explored what real resilience looks like and it’s probably not what you think.
It’s not about being an unbreakable wall or pretending the hits don’t hurt. It’s about feeling the pain, learning from it, and finding the energy to take the next small step. Jennie’s journey—from constant moves as a kid to facing 18 job rejections, shows that resilience is actually built in those quiet, everyday moments of friction.
If you’re navigating a transition or feeling a bit stuck, this video is a reminder that you don’t have to be bulletproof. You just have to be willing to bend.
What does resilience look like for you right now? Is it about standing firm, or is it about learning how to adapt?
Transcription:
Here’s what nobody tells you about resilience. It’s not about being tough. It is not about never feeling pain, and it’s definitely not about bouncing back like nothing happened. I just talked with Jennie Bellinger, a life coach who’s navigated more life transitions than most people face in a lifetime.
And what she told me completely changed how I think about handling change. You know, Jennie’s dad was in the Air Force. That meant moving every two to three years, new school. New friends. Most of us would look at that childhood and think, it sounds hard, all that loss, all those goodbyes, but here’s what those moves taught her.
People leave, doors close, and you can start again. Anyway, fast forward to adulthood. Jennie had become a teacher and she decides to return to teaching after having her first child. Then the recession hits. She goes on 18 job interviews, 18. She hears no 18 times. Most people quit after one or two or five rejections, maybe 10, but 18.
I asked her what kept her going, and her answer floored me. The rejection hurt, she said, but it didn’t define me. Think about that for a second. How many of us take one rejection and turn it into an identity statement? They didn’t want me, becomes, I’m not wanted. But Jennie had learned something from all those childhood moves.
Rejection is temporary. What’s closed today, might open tomorrow or something completely different might open instead. And that’s exactly what happened. Door 19 wasn’t another teaching job. It was a direct sales opportunity that eventually led to her coaching — a path she never would’ve found if one of those 18 schools had said yes.
Here’s what I’m learning from Jennie’s story and from my own struggles with Cancer and transition. Resilience is not about not feeling the pain. It’s about feeling it and moving forward anyway. It is not built during the crisis. It’s built before the crisis and the relationships you invest in now and the small practices you develop while things are okay. And it’s not about having all the answers, it’s about asking better questions.
Not “why is this happening to me?” but “where might this be taking me?” Not “am I resilient enough?” but “what’s my next small step?” You know, I’m 73 years old dealing with two aggressive types of cancer, and I don’t have this figured out. Some days I’m angry, some days I’m scared. Some days I just want my old life back.
But here’s what I’m learning. Those days don’t mean I’m failing at resilience. They just mean I’m human. Resilience is showing up the day after those hard days, taking the next small step, being honest about what’s difficult, while still looking for what’s possible. It’s not about being unbreakable, it’s about learning.
You can bend without breaking. So wherever you are in your own transitions, whatever rejection you’re facing, whatever door just closed, whatever change is knocking you sideways — remember this: you’re not alone, you’re not failing. You’re building something you’ll need later, one small step at a time. So what are you doing to build resilience in your life?
I would love to hear your story. Why don’t you let me know in the comments below? And by the way, thanks a lot for stopping by today. I hope to see you back here really soon.
